let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
