i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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