You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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