Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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