Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize