I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
