Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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