it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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