I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize