Sponge bath it is.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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