Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
