Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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