the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
