My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
