I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
