Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
