I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
