And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
