All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
