What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
