I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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