May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
