The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
