can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
