all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
