it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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