You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
