Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize