I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
