Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
