hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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