weddingsv make me drug and hornr
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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