69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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