No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
