it hurts more in the daytime
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
