All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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