She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
