He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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