I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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