I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
