I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
