So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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