you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize