My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
