dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
