You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
