I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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