Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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