i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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