Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
