theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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