Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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