I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize