i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
