I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
