the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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