well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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