So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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