Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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