He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
