How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck appropriateness.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
