Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
