somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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