...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
