They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
