how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
