He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
