I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
