Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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